Packing It All Up...

As the dark clouds move swiftly through the sky out my living room window and the rain falls with increasing volume on the gazebo on the deck, I can't help but notice a sense of pathetic fallacy. I've been a little storm clouds and rain myself lately.

It's the last night in this house. The kids and dogs are all asleep, the fridge is nearly bare, the walls naked, and boxes are in every room. Tomorrow morning the packers will arrive to finish what they began today, packing each of our possessions into a labeled brown box:

Load date: July 4, 2017
Name: Perry
Origin: Kingston
Destination: Halifax

Everything we own will soon be in our minivan or on a truck bound for Eastern Canada.

I excited for this new adventure. There are so many things I'm looking forward to: the space, the air, the ocean, the sand, the seafood, the pool, and a very best friend living literally two minutes away. I was so ready for this move.

Until it actually began.

It started with goodbye…

Trillium & Lighthouses

Never do I feel more like a military spouse than when I have to sell my house, the one in which I've lived for less than 2 years, and look for a new one in a new city, so that I can live in that one for less than 2 years.

The coming and going, the ups and downs, the adjusting and readjusting, the moving, the moving, the moving, the moving...

I've said it before and I'll say it again: this life is not for the faint of heart. It's not for the weak, it's not for those who don't want to change and grow and it's not for those who think they've got it all figured out. Because if there's one thing I have figured out, it's that I'll never have this all figured out.

Let's just look at what we, and countless others, have been dealing with the past six months:

The Fall
- get unofficial word you're posted --> purge the hell out of your house and take a good look at what needs to be done before you list your house to sell
- start obsessing over MLS …

A Different Kind of Baby Blues

I always knew I wanted to be a mother. From the days of Cabbage Patch Dolls and onward, I tend to be a nurturer and knew I wanted my very own tiny Mels when I grew up. I figured I would have three since I am the youngest of three kids myself and loved having a "buffer" sibling if one of them couldn't be at a family function.

When Hubby and I married we knew we wanted a baby right away. Five months later we got pregnant with Monkey and in December of that year he came earthside and turned us into a family of three. 

Most of my friends who had their first babies around the same time I did waited a little more or a little less than a year before trying to bake bun #2. I waited to feel that twinge of wanting a second, of feeling that we needed another child, but it didn't come as fast as I thought. We even talked about stopping at one and just having Monkey. After all, we couldn't ask for a better, cuter kiddo.

Eventually we decided that we did definitely want another b…

The Elephant

There is an elephant in our marriage.
Sometimes we talk about it. Sometimes we don't.
Sometimes I am fond of the elephant. Having one makes me feel special, important, part of this sub-culture of elephant owners. It's unique and not every marriage has one, that's for sure. I am certainly proud to have one. People say, "Oh! You have an elephant! Good for you. I would never be able to have one". They say it like having an elephant requires super powers. It doesn't. It just requires love and work and determination. Every marriage requires those things, but especially those with elephants.
When you meet another woman who also has an elephant, there is an obvious and instant connection. Those of us who have them know that no matter what any other man and woman have, if they don't have an elephant they can never fully understand the care it requires. And the burden it places.
Sometimes we talk about our elephant. Sometimes we don't.
Sometimes, despite its enormity…

Type A's Don't Like Deployment

I'm a planner.
I like to know where I'm going and when and for how long I'll be gone and what I'll do while I'm there.
I like to plan a weekly menu so I know what we're eating each night and can make sure we have all the groceries we will need for those meals.
I lay my kids' clothes out the night before so we're ready for the morning and I make Monkey's school lunch the night before. 
I have two calendars - one on my phone and one on my wall. I reference each one daily to make sure I haven't missed anything.
I start buying Christmas gifts in August.
We found out the sex of both of our kids at 18/20 weeks so I could get ready for our boys.

So being a military wife can be pretty damned hard. Deployments that don't happen that you braced yourself for. Courses that pop up suddenly. Schedules that change. Postings that are coming up in a matter of months and having zero clue about where in this country you may be moving in just 10 short months. Other de…

My Pink Spectacles

If you've read my blogs before, you know that I'm the first to acknowledge the adversities of being a military family and, more specifically, a military spouse. Sometimes it seems like it's just one thing after the next after the next. It can feel like the hits just keep on coming and we can't stay afloat.

It's so easy to say "This was a terrible day/week/month/deployment/etc." There really often are big stretches of time, hours or days, that feel that way. But as I was reminded recently, not always, but most often, we have a few bad moments in a day/week/month/deployment/etc that cloud the rest of the time and make it all feel terrible. It's like when you get a work performance review. Most of us could receive nine amazingly complimentary comments and just one negative one, and what do we focus on the most? The one, of course.

If you know me personally as many of you do, you also know that I am what most consider to be a "bubbly" person. I …

The Tree

There is a tree. On an ordinary day in an ordinary season the tree goes about her tree-like business. It rains, it snows, the sun shines upon her. She has everything she needs to continue growing into the sturdy tree she was planted to become.

One day, the tree's roots left. Her roots, which had, for the past 11 years, held her down. And while a literal tree never moves, this one does (about every 2-4 years). But taking her roots with her, she quickly began to thrive wherever she was blown, wherever she was planted. When the wind began to blow, the roots held her down. Reminding her to be strong, be the sturdy tree she was planted to become.

With her roots across the world, she feels like she is always just barely holding on. On days when the sun shines and the wind is slow and gentle, she is able to stand still, sheltering those beneath her, growing despite her circumstance. But other days, when even the tiniest breeze begins to blow, she can feel herself tipping. The harder the …